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A Voice in the Wilderness

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there's a twilight where everything remains seemingly unchanged, and it is in such twilight that we must be aware of change in the air, however slight, lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness. -- William O. Douglas

Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Interim

I love to write. However, issues running from meeting my personal responsibilities to burn-out have brought me to this impasse. I've come to find that writing is a luxury. I simply cannot afford to devote so much of my attention to. Reviewing my Stat Counter, I have noticed that despite my very limited postings - which have not been all that original or thought provoking - I have a loyal following of people and I thank you for honoring me enough to drop by and visit this site on occasion. This post is for you.

I really haven’t posted much in my blog since Dad died. His death left me with an indescribable emptiness which I have still not quite come to terms with. Moreover, it has revealed the temporary nature of my/our existence on Earth. Finally, Dad’s death has also ripped open some long-standing familial scars – scars that I thought had healed long ago. Consequently, my predominant feeling is a sense of foreboding – I am afraid we are coming apart as a family - because I am not entirely convinced these wounds, born out of childhood, can ever heal. Hopefully, one day we as siblings, can honor Daddy’s memory by trusting, believing in, and supporting each other the way he continually encouraged us to do throughout our lives.

My daughter was married in October and it was a spectacular event, very traditional New Mexican wedding - Mariachi's performed at the mass and later on at the reception. Although a good time was had by all - I really wish Daddy could have been there. My son-in-law is a good man - I love him very much. He and Jaja are the best of friends. Less than a month after their wedding, we found out that Kris is going to have baby number two. She is due around mid-August. So, I am going to be a grandpa for the second time - the ultrasound has revealed Jaja is going to have a little sister.

I recently purchased a home that came with two dogs, two goats and one sheep and one cat. I also took in two more dogs and another cat.

Meet "Nubie" - her previous owners had her scheduled to go off to the slaughterhouse along with Lovie and Pearl. This news was sprung on me at closing when I was also notified they would be taking the two dogs, Sukie and Mika off to the Vet's to be put down (the sellers decided to get rid of everything and move to Italy).

Nubie is a Nubian Goat - papered and, I'm told, pretty valuable as goats go - although I must admit, I know nothing about sheep and goats. My naiveté got me swindled by a local the first time I bought hay - the guy sold me straw which makes great bedding but poor food. ...Tuition money I call it.

One of my dearest friend's wife was killed in a vehicle collision and I’ve spent a whole lot of time just being there with him - he's pretty lost and her unexpected death has wrought havoc on his life.

My service truck broke down in late January and it has been a nightmare getting it repaired - two months, a couple thousand dollars later and it still remains in the shop so I am forced to drive my favorite albeit old Chevy pickup which is terrible on gas - did I mention the *&!#@! rise in gas prices? I commute to and from Albuquerque daily. The good news is that business is picking up again and the S.A.D. season is nearly over.

Mattie applied for and received an internship with one of the world's largest corporations and is enjoying it tremendously. He doesn't have to get dirty and gets to communicate with people throughout the US, Canada and England. I miss him; between the truck problems and his leaving the company, I have to say it isn't the same anymore - the fun has gone out of it for me. I miss my buddy - lots.

My brother's divorce is nearing its end and he seems to be doing a lot better. Devastation has given way to resignation and acceptance. His faith is stronger than ever and he is that much the better for it. Witnessing his struggle has been inspirational because, in the end, he has stayed away from pettiness and using the children as pawns in the disgusting game of divorce.

So, that’s what’s happening in my life – what’s happening in yours?


At Sun Mar 26, 03:46:00 PM MST, Blogger Xolo said...

Good to have you back!

Life sometimes throws us these obstacles, doesn't it? You have a lovely family, though; much to be pround of. And congratulations on your new home. I love the goat. How about some pictures of the dogs?!?

I am still stuck in employment search angst while trying to be the best teacher, mentor, and role model I can.

I hope you continue to indulge in your writing. I for one find it refreshing, stimulating, and a good place to lose myself for a few moments.

At Sun Mar 26, 06:34:00 PM MST, Blogger The Voice said...

It is good to hear from you Xolo. I'll post pictures of the other pets sometime soon.

So now, I am now living in the country. It is only an acre and was originally set up as a horse property with pipe fences and accompanying shed but it feels quite large to me.

I am thinking about planting 3/4 of the acre with nothing but green chili and donating it to the local church at harvest time for a fund raiser. My understanding is the land here is highly productive. The community is small and a bit too conservative for my liking but it is peaceful and people seem to live and let live. No one has really bothered me thus far.

I'm really thinking I want to acquire an even bigger chunk of land - I like the farm/rural life. Of course, it doesn't hurt to live close to the 'big' city. Although, Albuquerque is not near as cosmopolitan as say the larger cities where you live. Be that as it may, I don't mind it all that much. I am living pretty simple and enjoying it immensely these days. I feel at home - it reminds me of where and how I was raised in Albuquerque before it got so big.

Have you thought about coming out west? How about UNM or perhaps UC Boulder, Arizona?

I wouldn't worry about the search too much because what is right will come to you eventually - it is the way of the Universe. Be patient my friend your time will come.

Thank you for the encouragement – I hope the fog clears soon. I hope all else is well with you.


At Sun Mar 26, 11:55:00 PM MST, Blogger Liquidplastic said...

Thank you.

At Mon Mar 27, 07:57:00 AM MST, Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

You and your family are so attractive! My best friend (Ozma) and her family is Mexican-American (legal Mexicans, that is). Ozma and her sisters and brothers were the first children born on American soil.

Here are ALL my posts about Ozma, if you're interested. She is a uniquely special individual. Her family is MY family.

It looks as if you have the same values.

At Mon Mar 27, 02:52:00 PM MST, Blogger Beaver said...

Dear Joe ,

(oh - this is gonna be long, please forgive me ahead...)

First and foremost, thank you for keeping your loyal readers abreast of your life, even in its dark hour.

Second, I'd like to present my sincere sympathies. I lost my dad a few years ago and am still looking for him in the crowds. I know the feeling. Though it's a cliche, it's true that time heals all wounds.

Third, congratulations on your beautiful daughter's wedding. She is absolutely SPLENDID on her picture. Congrats on baby no. 2 as well. Now, i'm sure you know that we all expect pictures of the newborn!!!!

4th, I'm very sorry about your friend's wife. What a great friend you are to be there for him in his time of need.

5th, heh... congratulations on the menagerie. That's very kind of you to take in all these "kids". I'm sure they will fill this space with lively stories. I'm also looking forward to hearing more about the chili donation plan.

6th, well... I'm sorry for you, but I'm happy for Mattie.

7th, congrats on the divorce being over. You and your brother should celebrate. I know Saur and her friend did that a while back.

oh - yeah, and I'm sorry about the truck, though I'm sure you'll be happy to get new wheels when the occasion arises.

Joe, we missed you. Sorry for the long comment.

Much love,


At Tue Mar 28, 05:10:00 AM MST, Blogger iamnasra said...

Dear Joe
I had come here to thank you for such soothing words but I found the news about your departed Dad so sad and somehow connect with you as my dad passed away..I have more to say I speak to you later on

At Sat Apr 01, 07:08:00 AM MST, Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Hey, you're back! I have been wondering where you went, now I know. Sorry to hear about your father, I know how you feel, as my own father's passing took a toll on my family as well. I was just perusing my archives last night, and came across some of your comments, which had encouraged me to continue on with my blogging, so i thought I check in and lo and behold, you're back! Thank you so much for your past support and hope to read more in the future!

At Sat Apr 01, 10:04:00 AM MST, Blogger Liquid said...

Dear Voice,

I found you at LiquidPlastic and am grateful. I have enjoyed the human "touch" I felt at your site.
Keep voicing and maybe it's time you "screamed" about something.
I whisper it's healing. Going to share your site with others. Thank you!

At Thu Apr 06, 06:41:00 PM MDT, Blogger Cricketina said...

Hey hey look who's back!!! It's good to hear your Voice out in blog land.

I'm sorry your family has fallen apart with your father's passing. It's funny how things like that happen. Have faith, it's probably just a matter of time before things resolve themselves.

Sounds like your daughter has found herself a wonderful man. I'm glad you approve, that's so important.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's accident. There have been several friends of friends that have come to a similar end recently and it's made me appreciate life even more.

The new house and new "family" members seem cool. I'd love to have a goat. Not sure why, probably just because I think it'd be different. They can be pretty sweet animals if treated well.

As for my life, I'm just trying to graduate. I set my goals too high for grad school and wound up applying for programs I was wholly unqualified to attend. The schools noted this and made sure to tell me. So, back to the drawing board. I think I'm going to go back home for a year and pick up a second degree, this time filling in the gaps that are preventing me from my future goals.

I've met a wonderful man who treats me with the utmost respect. He's a good Christian boy who understands me well. He lives in my home town so it's been difficult to really work on our relationship. Although not the reason behind my decision, having a year at home will allow us time to fine tune our relationship before I head off to more schooling.

I'm writing my thesis on the Panama Canal. It canvases its history starting with its independence from Spain and alignment with Colombia, through the Railroad days, the 1903 treaty, canal construction, sovereignty issues, flag rioting in 1964, U.S. media, and why it took until 1978 to finally rewrite the 1903 treaty. I'm hoping to make it into our digital archive which would allow me to link it for anyone interested in reading it. It's official title is "January 9, 1964, The Day of the Martyrs: Tragedy in Panama at U.S. Hands."

I guess that's about it. Just trying to figure out life, basically!

At Wed Apr 12, 03:09:00 PM MDT, Blogger Renee Wagemans said...

I don't come often, but when I come I enjoy every piece I read.
I hope you can put all life's beads together again to form a new string of strong feelings and warm thoughts. be u be strong as you listen to your heart


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