Do Not Worry

In 1985, my life seemed to be going in a totally upward direction but, in very short order, I hit upon a series devastating of crises that I won't go into here - I wrote about them in this venue quite some time ago.

In that time of turmoil, I suffered from severe bouts of depression that caused me to ponder suicide - at times on a minute-by-minute basis. I remember waking up one particular morning. Before getting up, I looked up at the ceiling and said, 'God, if you really exist, now is the day I need to know it because I am not going to make it through today. Please give me some sign to let me know you are here." With that, I got out of bed - on the opposite side of what I normally did. As I did, I held my head in my hands and noticed my foot resting upon an old, well worn, leather-bound Bible that belonged to mama. She had given it to me a few years before when I left for college. I don't know how it got there - I thought it was packed away. I picked it up and the thin, fluid-like papers slid open to the book of Matthew. If logic plays into this story, I suppose my mind was geared to focus on the word 'worry' as I scanned the page, so I read the following passage.

Do Not Worry

Therefore, I tell you, don't be anxious for your life: what you will eat, or what you will drink; nor yet for your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food, and the body more than clothing? See the birds of the sky, that they don't sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns. Your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you of much more value than they?

"Which of you, by being anxious, can add one moment to his lifespan? Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They don't toil, neither do they spin, yet I tell you that even Solomon in all his splendor was not dressed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today exists, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, won't he much more clothe you, you of little faith?

"Therefore don't be anxious, saying, 'What will we eat?', 'What will we drink?' or, 'With what will we be clothed?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first God's Kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore don't be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day's own evil is sufficient.

Matthew 6:25-34

I made it through that day. A week or so later, we were blessed with the news that a baby was on the way. About seven months later, we had a boy who we named Matthew. Long before he was born, I always knew my son's name would be Matthew. That I happened upon the, 'Do not worry' passage is significant to me because it forever took away any self destructive thoughts I had from that day forward.

I consider this passage from the Bible a gift from God - that universally omnipotent entity who created everything - the one who cannot be named and the one who cannot be seen - the one whose plan we cannot seem to understand.

Today, 22 September 2005, my best friend, my son Matthew turns 20 years old. The meaning of his name is, 'Gift from God.'

Matt,

I am glad to be alive to see you. I am glad to be here watching you grow up. I am so glad for that day, months before you were born when I rolled out of bed to read what you have consistently reminded me of throughout your beautiful life. You truly are a gift from God and I am so blessed to have been given the privilege of being your father, of being your friend.

Happy birthday son. I love you Mattie.